Lana Straw Weekly · Week 2, 2026
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Handwritten letter to Boom Baum, posted by Otter
Lana Straw Weekly
The Straw
W2
Sep 23, 2026
Week 2
Correspondence · Posted by Otter, Sept. 22
MAYBE YOU
SHOULD MAKE
SUME TRADES?
Boom Baum is 0-2 and asked the league for forty-five trades. The league sent him a letter from a child.
#PointgateThe commissioner confesses. Jerry wins a game he lost.
BijanShipped again. “Was that a real trade?!”
KnockoutHe meant to bid a hundred.
The NameLost by 1.24. Now the Little Bread Boi.
“I need to meet a minimum of 45 trades a season for it to be successful.” · Boom Baum Week 2 · 2026
From the DeskWeek 2 · September 23, 2026

Editor’s Letter

We Printed
the Wrong
Winner

The last issue went out ninety-five minutes after the commissioner confessed. It was already wrong. Nobody minded, because one reader wanted it on paper.

Tuesday, Sept. 15, at 9:50 p.m., Fart Toot Squeek told the Discord he had made “a grave mistake” with the kicker scoring, and that fixing it would flip Jerry GM + Jerry Owner’s game. At 11:25 p.m. the Week 1 issue went out with Jerry losing that game by 0.30. The correction, the confession and a question about the commissioner’s goatee are on page 4.

Jerry read it anyway, the next morning at 6:15.

I wish I had a physical copy to read on the toilet. Might print this bad boy out.
Jerry GM + Jerry Owner · Wednesday, Sept. 16

On the pod that Thursday, the Guy Next Door described the dream in full: a season of these, printed, handed out at draft weekend, and a ceremony where “the winner sits down and gets to sign everybody’s edition.”

Until then there is this one. Bijan changed teams again. H Town lost his name by 1.24. A knockout manager meant to type a hundred. And Boom Baum asked for forty-five trades, received none, and got mail.

The Straw editors
Closed Wednesday, Sept. 23 · Central time

Contents

The Minimum Is 45Boom, 0-2, reads his mail03
A Grave Mistake#Pointgate and the goatee04
Was That a Real Trade?!Bijan’s fourth address05
Elsewhere in the DiscordBread Boi, Ramsayrrito, the bot06
Double Tap the ZeroThe knockout, and its casualties07
On the AirwavesS05 EP03 · the Guy Next Door08
The DeskFour Premier trades09
ScoreboardsPremier, Champeens, Point After10–11

The Week in Numbers

45
Trades a season Boom says he needs
0
Trades Boom made this week
0.30
Margin we printed last week. Wrong winner.
$69
The Hineys’ price for Bijan, before shipping him
1.24
Points between H Town and his own name
$1,000
Knockout FAAB on Ja’Marr Chase. Spelled Jamar.
0-2
The champion, and Boom. They play Sunday.

Overheard

Shades of the $100 on Isiah Likely years ago
Amburgers · Wed 6:50 a.m. · on the knockout bids
Fantasy football is a marathon of 17 sprints
The Guy Next Door · Fri 1:15 p.m. · 5 reactions
Going to be some clips emptied for Bryce Young tomorrow morning. / ^^^^^ not a sentence I thought I’d ever write
H Town · Tue 6:38 p.m.
Lana Straw Weekly · The StrawW2 · 02
Cover StoryBoom Baum · 0-2

Boom Baum · Sept. 17–22

The Minimum Is 45

Boom came to draft weekend to win it all. Two losses later he was trading with nobody and reading mail at breakfast.

Boom Baum reading the letter at breakfast
Tuesday, 8:35 a.m. The reading. Otter · 11 reactions

The promise is on the record. Before draft weekend Boom Baum left the pod a voicemail, and on Sept. 17 the hosts finally played it: “Boom Baum is coming and ready to win it all, baby. Let’s go.”

The same episode had already looked at his roster. The hosts ran down the worst offenses in football and found Boom holding the only fantasy-relevant players on most of them. “That’s a recipe for relegation my friends.” Somebody predicted the cure: take screenshots of his team now, and by next week it would be “30 to 40 percent different.”

It was zero percent different. Not for lack of trying. When the Scott Ramsays made a catch on Friday, Boom sent congratulations with terms attached: “congrats on the catch…. Now trade with me.” Nobody did. Sunday the Shiny Hineys beat him 112.32 to 89.22, and on Monday at 3:50 p.m. he filed the grievance.

I just wanna say the low amount of trades this season is really impacting my mental health. I need to meet a minimum of 45 trades a season for it to be successful.
Boom Baum · Monday, Sept. 21

Relief came Tuesday at 8:35 a.m. Otter posted a letter from his daughter, and video of Boom reading it at breakfast.

Dear Boom baum, Im sorry you lost two in a row. I feel sad that you lost your game and you are 0-2 and might get relegated from lana Straw premere league Maybe you should make sume trades? From love Eden Banner, Otter’s daughter

Transcribed as written · the original is the cover

Eight minutes later Boom asked the commissioner a procedural question: “if you got a friend into the league is there a system in place to uninvite them?”

At 9:02 Cowboys September Dreams proposed a telethon: “a Sarah McLachlan arms of the angel commercial where, instead of sad animals, it’s sad pictures of Boom and its McLachlan doing a call to action to make trades to help the helpless and vulnerable booms of the league.”

At 9:41 H Town delivered the forecast. ESPN projected Boom ninth.

I can handle 9th. 9th is good.
Boom Baum · Tuesday, 9:53 a.m.

He is twelfth. Sunday he plays the champion, who is also 0-2.

Cover Story · Boom BaumW2 · 03
#PointgateFart Toot Squeek · Jerry GM + Jerry Owner · Neaux Gold

The Commissioner’s Office

A Grave Mistake

The league voted to shave a point off long field goals in 2027. The commissioner started in 2026, took it back, and handed a win to the fastest arch-nemesis he has ever had.

A kicker lines up a 52-yard field goal at a football with a face
Fifty-two yards. Full price until 2027. Shiny Hineys · Monday, Sept. 21

At the draft weekend Rules Round Table the league agreed to trim the 40- and 50-yard field goals by a point, starting next season. Fart Toot Squeek, commissioner and reigning champion, turned it on this season instead. Tuesday night at 9:50 he came clean to everyone at once.

I totally forgot about the delayed onset of the rule change and implemented it this season. Y’all will see it change some scores slightly and much to my chagrin it will flip the outcome of Jerry GM and Dave Ten Haves game. I’m going to do some push ups, run 10 40s, and keep my head on a swivel so this never happens again. My deepest apologies Lana Straw
Fart Toot Squeek · Tuesday, Sept. 15, 9:50 p.m. · 8 reactions

The loser had already filed. Eight minutes before the apology, Neaux Gold, All Glory: “I was the West Michigan of week 1.”

Eleven minutes after it, the winner issued a statement. “We respect your honesty and openness in this difficult time.” Six reactions. The commissioner answered with a gif of Toby from The Office.

On the pod Thursday the commissioner called it the “worst mistake I’ve ever made as a commissioner.” Jerry had sent in a voicemail before the ruling, arguing that “what really separates the men from the boys are the adjustments.”

Wednesday night Jerry opened a second front.

Did [the commissioner] shave a goatee just for the stone cold bit at draft weekend or is he walking around austin like that? I see Scott two days a year so I have no reference. Can he go within 100 yards of a school?
Jerry GM + Jerry Owner · Wednesday, Sept. 16, 8:58 p.m.

One minute later: “I’m asking, respectfully.” Six reactions. On the pod the commissioner called Jerry “the fastest arch nemesis I’ve ever experienced,” then spoke to him directly.

You come at the champ, you best not miss, you know, Stone Cold part two is coming for you and I’ve got the mic, bitch.
Fart Toot Squeek · S05 EP03 · Sept. 17

The ruling, enforced

The pod filed #Pointgate next to #RamsayGate, the league’s standing theory that the scoreboard bends toward the Ramsays. For once it bent the other way, toward the man asking about schools. The appeal was heard Sunday, downstairs, by the commissioner’s other club. Mac Attack 132.98, Jerry 107.38.

#PointgateW2 · 04
The TradeBijan Robinson · Thursday, Sept. 17

Thursday Night, 8:20 p.m.

Was That a
Real Trade?!

The Shiny Hineys paid $69 for Bijan Robinson in August. Three weeks into the season he was a Jigba. It was not the first time the Hineys let him go.

1
Aug. 26, 2025
To Boom Baum
The Hineys ship him out.
2
Sept. 12, 2025
Back to the Hineys
Seventeen days away.
3
Auction, 2026
Hineys, $69
Paid at the auction.
4
Sept. 17, 2026
To the Jigba
Week 2: 9.6 points.

Thursday at 8:20 p.m. the slip hit the Discord and Boom Baum, a man who has been posting “Anyone want to trade? I am bored” since August, watched two other clubs make one. “Holy hell. Was that a real trade?!” Eleven seconds later he answered himself. “Holy shit.”

The Kickers n Jigba took Bijan Robinson, Chris Olave and Zach Charbonnet. The Shiny Hineys took back Davante Adams, Javonte Williams, Braelon Allen and Garrett Wilson. Both clubs were 2-0 by Monday.

The commissioner saw a pattern and said so.

it feels like your relationship with Bijan is a love/hate thing. That’s the only way I can make sense of you shipping him away year after year
Fart Toot Squeek · 8:52 p.m.

The Hineys had a scouting report ready, and a second reason nobody expected.

He’s Gumby. The most durable RB I’ve ever seen. I’m also tired of watching Falcon games.
Shiny Hineys · 8:55 p.m.

Eight minutes after the deal the Hineys added a footnote the bot never printed: “the bot forgot the $5 FAAB Rob gave me. Really made the trade”. The Straw has no receipt for the five dollars. The Hineys have their word.

Sunday settled nothing and embarrassed everyone a little. Adams, three days a Hiney, scored 36.5 in the flex against Boom. Bijan, three days a Jigba, scored 9.6 against the Ramsays. The Jigba won anyway, 144.62 to 76.68, and sit first in the Premier.

The Jigba is a Ramsay club. Readers who keep a #RamsayGate file may add a page.

The Trade · BijanW2 · 05
Elsewhere in the DiscordSept. 17–23

Short Stories

Bread, Burritos and a Bot

The Name

Change It NOW

AI art of a little baker kneading dough
Commemorative art. H Town, Sept. 18

The bet was one week of the loser’s name, decided on Week 1 starting lineups. The Scott Ramsays had 99.54. H Town had 98.3. They did not even play each other.

Thursday at 10:00 p.m. the Ramsays named the price: “I want your name to be ‘The Little Bread Boi’.” Nine seconds later: “Change it NOW”. Then a clarification.

Well, you are the LITTLE bread boi.
The Scott Ramsays · 10:18 p.m.

The next morning H Town posted the AI art himself. The Little Bread Boi went 0-2 and still holds the Premier wild card.

Lunch

Ramsayrrito

A burrito with a face, at a taco shop

“What is Thomas eating?” Boom Baum · Wednesday, 1:24 p.m.

Wednesday was a Lana Straw taco outing, per Jackin’ Goff. Boom posted the evidence with a face on the burrito and one question. The Ramsays answered in one word: “Ramsayrrito.” The Kickers n Jigba asked the subjects a follow-up: “How does it make yall feel when AI changes your faces like that?” No one answered.

The Bot

Destroying Families

At 1:23 p.m. Wednesday the Shiny Hineys gave the league’s bot its standing orders: “Make sure to give Boom Baum terrible advice”. At 1:29 the commissioner asked it a family question: “who’s the best manager between the Ramsay Brothers over the history of the Lana Straw league?”

The answer arrived and so did the commissioner’s feelings. “I think I love you.” Cowboys September Dreams quoted the verdict for the rest of the house.

“Same hardware as Jonathan, but he actually scores and wins in the regular season” - Lana Straw Bot destroying families
Cowboys September Dreams · 2:36 p.m. · 6 reactions

Champeens

The Worst Day of the Week

The Jackal, who went 1-1 and beat Jordan’s Trainers by 25 on Sunday, filed the week’s most honest review of the NFL on Tuesday evening.

The worst part of the football season is Tuesdays. I can only hear about how Caleb Williams cried too much so many times.
The Jackal · Tuesday, Sept. 22, 6:34 p.m.

Amburgers spent Tuesday morning on public works, announcing live scoring for whichever Lana league you are not in, straight to your phone. The Guy Next Door built it. Nobody has to open a browser to watch the Premier suffer anymore.

Elsewhere in the DiscordW2 · 06
The KnockoutLana Straw Knockout · Weeks 1–2

Last Place Leaves

Double Tap the Zero

The new knockout league hands every club a season’s budget and one warning. Two managers spent it in a day. One of them meant to.

The warning was not complicated. H Town had even read up on it: “I did like read like an article or two and said like hey don’t spend all your money in the first week okay cool”. Then he opened the waiver screen to bid a hundred on Jeremiyah Love.

I put it a hundred and I just double tap the zero
H Town · on the pod · Sept. 17

The box was too narrow to show the extra zero. It showed up on the wire instead, as the whole budget. That evening the Shiny Hineys, catching up on the episode, reported their relief: “I thought someone just really liked what they saw from Jeremiah Love.”

The Kickers n Jigba, playing the knockout as Robert’s Rowdy Team, did it on purpose. $650 on James Cook and $333 on Omarion Hampton, and at 7:31 Wednesday morning a full disclosure: “I blew my whole wad”. The Hineys: “Robert is a waiver hog”. The Guy Next Door: “None of my 10 dollar bids went through. WTF!” A minute later Boom Baum asked the room a question that told you everything about his week: “What’s a chop league?”

The Jigba got some of it back. Friday Rowdy flipped Hampton to the Otter is Jackin Goff for Caleb Douglas and $300. The Guy Next Door reviewed the voting: “None of the people voting for Otter bid 300 on Hampton except for Otter.” Sunday the Otter is Jackin Goff scored 62.02, the low score, and was eliminated.

They were the second club out. The first, in Week 1, was the commissioner’s, Fart Toot Sneak, at 86.9. Cowboys September Farts survived Week 2 on 65.20, 3.18 points clear of the exit.

Then on Wednesday the Scott Ramsays’ club, JackaWhack, put $1,000 on Ja’Marr Chase, all of it, and announced it the night before in their own spelling.

Nah I already spent all my FAAB on Jamar
The Scott Ramsays · Tuesday, Sept. 22, 9:01 p.m.

Knockout deals

Fri, Sept. 18 · 6:58 a.m.Written twice by the bot; the Friday row carries the cash
The Otter is Jackin Goff receives
Omarion Hampton
Robert’s Rowdy Team receives
Caleb Douglas, $300 FAAB
Tue, Sept. 22 · 9:52 p.m.400 FAAB per the Hiney in the channel; not on the slip
Boomer Frogs receives
Kyle Monangai
Michael’s Magnificent Hiney receives
Derrick Henry
The floor · Cowboys September Dreams asked how much FAAB, “so I can decide who got fleeced.” The Hiney: “400.”

The wire, in brief · Boomer Frogs $1,000 on Jeremiyah Love. Rowdy $650 on Cook, $333 on Hampton. JackaWhack $1,000 on Ja’Marr Chase. The Hineys $200 back onto Hampton. The Premier wire spent nothing.

The KnockoutW2 · 07
On the AirwavesS05 EP03 · Don’t Overreact (I’m Going to Overreact) · Sept. 17

The Guest · The Guy Next Door

I’m Not Going
to Overreact

Week 1 gave the Guy Next Door one quarterback touchdown and nothing else. He went on the pod to explain what he did about it the next morning.

The pod’s guest this week is in his fourth season and says he has heard every episode. He spent his Week 1 on the couch with three kids, a laptop and a phone, watching a team that scored, in the hosts’ summary, “basically no touchdowns whatsoever from your entire team except for your quarterback.”

I said out loud to myself multiple times, I’m not going to overreact. And then I immediately, I’m like, the next morning, I’m like, I got to do something.
The Guy Next Door · S05 EP03

Something was Drake London. Monday night he sent Caleb Williams and Tetairoa McMillan to Boom Baum and took London and Dylan Sampson. On air he called it a bet against the Panthers throwing forever and on London’s quarterback coming back. The hosts recalled the trade poll splitting almost exactly in half.

Sunday London scored 6.9. Caleb scored 7.22 and McMillan 13.6, both for Boom, who lost anyway. The Guy Next Door beat Jackin’ Goff 89.76 to 81.58, the closest game in the Premier.

The episode ended back at draft weekend. The watermelon contest, the Guy Next Door said, came down to “just raw competition,” and a technique he had studied on YouTube. Four days later he posted the dramatization at right.

Also on the episode

Boom’s preseason voicemail, page 3. The commissioner on #Pointgate, page 4. H Town and the extra zero, page 7. A rumor about John Madden and hotel hand towels, which the Straw will not be printing.

Jerry Reviews the Pod

Jerry GM + Jerry Owner · Sept. 17, 11:56 a.m. · as posted
  • Episode is electric.
  • I was fully prepared for either outcome, although obviously I benefit from this one.
  • Chop league is a great addition
  • Scott saying “oh no” hearing about John madden wiping with hand towels
  • John’s watermelon shoving. What doesn’t translate is how intense and casual John was all at the same time. A cold heart
AI art of one man shoving a watermelon into another man's face

A cold heart, reenacted. The Guy Next Door · Sept. 21 · 8 reactions

On the Airwaves · S05 EP03W2 · 08
TransactionsThe Desk · Premier · Sept. 14–17

The Desk

Four Deals in Four Days

The Premier traded four times in four days, then stopped. Boom Baum was on the first deal and in the audience for the other three.

Mon, Sept. 14 · 8:55 p.m.Written again at 2:02 a.m.; one deal
The Guy Next Door receives
Drake London, Dylan Sampson
Boom Baum receives
Caleb Williams, Tetairoa McMillan
Cash considerations: none
The floor · Argued out on the pod, page 8. Sunday: London 6.9, Caleb 7.22, McMillan 13.6.
Tue, Sept. 15 · 5:30 p.m.Tight end for a running back
The Kickers n Jigba receives
Isaiah Likely
Jackin’ Goff receives
Kyle Monangai
Cash considerations: none
The floor · Boom, six minutes later: “It makes sense for both sides.” Then: “Well done. now come back to my office.” Diamond Dogs: “Someone send me trades.” Likely scored 5.8. Monangai scored 6.8 on the bench.
Tue, Sept. 15 · 6:39 p.m.The champion reshuffles
Fart Toot Squeek receives
Jaylen Waddle, Colston Loveland, Tyler Allgeier
Backdoor Heat receives
Jaylen Warren, Rashee Rice, Dallas Goedert
Cash considerations: none
The floor · Nobody said a word. The two clubs met Sunday and Heat won 119.36 to 78.50. Waddle 18.8. Rice 10.3. Goedert 0.9.
Thu, Sept. 17 · 8:20 p.m. · BigBoth clubs 2-0 by Monday
The Kickers n Jigba receives
Bijan Robinson, Chris Olave, Zach Charbonnet
Shiny Hineys receives
Davante Adams, Javonte Williams, Braelon Allen, Garrett Wilson
Cash considerations: none on the slip. The Hineys say $5 FAAB.
The floor · “Holy hell. Was that a real trade?!” Boom Baum, eleven seconds before “Holy shit.” The scene is page 5.

Heard at the Desk

Saturday morning, downstairs, Amburgers offered Cowboys September Dreams $10 FAAB to leave his tight end slot empty. The Dreams did the math aloud: “it’s either Loveland for 0 points in the TE slot or it’s no one in the TE slot for 0 points.” Then, to eleven reactions: “Most importantly, this is just another example of the innovations in fantasy football we can accomplish when we think with our Peen league.”

Amburgers, declining a Javonte Williams offer Tuesday night: “I will not fall for the banana in the tailpipe of teams playing this cowboy defense…”

Transactions · The DeskW2 · 09
ScoreboardPremier · Week 2

Premier Finals

The Belt Is 0-2

The Jigba and All Gold rolled. The champion lost to the club he had just traded with. Boom lost the pillow fight.

Game of the Week · The Pillow Fight

ESPN live score: Shiny Hineys 62.02, Boom Baum 83.22

“Your weekly pillow fight sponsored by Boom Baum and Shiny Hineys.” Posted Monday night with Boom ahead. The Hineys, Sept. 21.

Shiny Hineys
2-0
112.32
DEF.
Boom Baum
0-2
89.22

When the Hineys posted the fight card Monday night, Boom led 83.22 to 62.02. He finished losing by 23.10. Davante Adams, three days a Hiney, put 36.5 in the flex. The next morning Boom was reading a letter.

Matchups

All Gold, No Glory152.14
The Little Bread Boi119.98
High of either flight. The Bread Boi lost the name and then the game.
The Kickers n Jigba144.62
The Scott Ramsays76.68
Allen 43.82, JSN 40.0. Bijan’s debut: 9.6.
Backdoor Heat119.36
Fart Toot Squeek78.50
Trade partners Tuesday, opponents Sunday. Dak 33.76.
Texas Tornado’s Bush113.38
Diamond Dogs90.60
Mahomes 31.98. The Dogs’ defense scored 20 and it did not matter.
Shiny Hineys112.32
Boom Baum89.22
The pillow fight. Adams 36.5.
The Guy Next Door89.76
Jackin’ Goff81.58
Closest Premier game, by 8.18. Not an overreaction.

Standings

TeamW-LPF
1–The Kickers n Jigba2-0324.5
2–All Gold, No Glory2-0297.9
3↑Texas Tornado’s Bush2-0237.4
4↑Shiny Hineys2-0205.9
5↓Diamond Dogs1-1225.5
6↑Backdoor Heat1-1209.9
WCThe Little Bread Boi0-2218.3
7↑The Guy Next Door1-1181.3
8↓The Scott Ramsays1-1176.2
9↑The Little Bread Boi0-2218.3
10↓Fart Toot Squeek0-2215.4
11↓Jackin’ Goff0-2206.3
12↓Boom Baum0-2188.0

Yellow line: the wild card, the most points outside the top six. The Little Bread Boi holds it at 0-2 and also appears at ninth, where the record puts him. Arrows are the move from Week 1.

High Score
152.14
All Gold, No Glory
Low Score
76.68
The Scott Ramsays
Closest Game
8.18
Guy Next Door over Goff
Biggest Win
67.94
Jigba over the Ramsays
Premier ScoreboardW2 · 10
ScoreboardChampeens · Week 2 · Point After

Champeens Finals

Four at 2-0, One by 2.58

Otter, Mac Attack, Amburgers and Madison Beer are unbeaten. Madison Beer got there by the closest margin in either flight.

Matchups

Mac Attack132.98
Jerry GM + Jerry Owner107.38
The commissioner’s other club. Purdy 30.48. See page 4.
Amburgers122.28
Cowboys September Dreams112.72
Allen’s 43.82, the best QB line down here, lost.
Chase Is My Leader121.28
Prime Lime Time94.38
Dak 33.76 off the bench, Lamb 32.3.
Otter112.66
OKC Schlegstas90.86
Adams 36.5 and Bijan 9.6 on one roster. Also, a daughter who writes letters.
The Jackal107.50
Jordan’s Trainers82.22
Amon-Ra 31.7. Tuesday remains the worst day.
Madison Beer76.10
Neaux Gold, All Glory73.52
Closest in either flight. Neaux Gold is 0-2, one of them retroactive.

Standings

TeamW-LPF
1–Otter2-0252.8
2↑Mac Attack2-0251.6
3↑Amburgers2-0244.5
4↑Madison Beer2-0171.2
5↓Jerry GM + Jerry Owner1-1242.5
6↓Cowboys September Dreams1-1241.2
WC↑The Jackal1-1230.2
8↑Chase Is My Leader1-1216.6
9↓Neaux Gold, All Glory0-2207.0
10↓Prime Lime Time0-2202.2
11–OKC Schlegstas0-2182.5
12–Jordan’s Trainers0-2173.3

Yellow line: the wild card, most points outside the top six. The Jackal holds it, and is seventh on record anyway.

Week 3 card

Premier. Boom Baum vs Fart Toot Squeek. Jigba vs Guy Next Door. All Gold vs Diamond Dogs. Heat vs Ramsays. Hineys vs Texas Tornado. Bread Boi vs Jackin’ Goff.

Champeens. Dreams vs Chase Is My Leader. Prime Lime vs Jerry. Amburgers vs the Jackal. Mac vs Madison Beer. Jordan vs OKC. Neaux Gold vs Otter.

Point After

0-2 vs. 0-2

Sunday Boom Baum plays Fart Toot Squeek. One asked the league for forty-five trades and received a letter from a child. The other changed the kicker rules a year early and handed his nemesis a win. Neither has won a game that counted.

One of them will be 1-2 on Monday. The other will need some mail.

LANA STRAW WEEKLY · Week 2, 2026 · Closed Sept. 23, Central time. Scores are ESPN finals for the Premier and Champeens; the knockout is the league’s knockout board. Quotes are verbatim from the Discord, typos included, or from the S05 EP03 transcript; the pod’s “boom, bomb” is printed as Boom Baum. Corrected in this edition: the Week 1 issue printed Neaux Gold, All Glory over Jerry GM + Jerry Owner by 0.30. After the commissioner restored this season’s kicker scoring, Jerry won; standings here reflect it. The $5 on the Bijan deal and the 400 on the Henry deal are the Hineys’ word, not the slip’s. The letter is transcribed exactly as written.
Champeens Scoreboard · Point AfterW2 · 11